Undeniable Fact: Surgeon General's Warning- LIONS!

Monday, April 30, 2007

Planning a safari in Africa? You may want to avoid convenience stores on the fringes of the jungle. In recent years, these outfits have been visited by lions with increasing frequency. What are the big cats shopping for? Tobacco products, and lots of them! And these aren't paying customers: turns out those three-inch teeth are good for more than piercing gorilla hide - they can rip open a carton of Marlboros in nothing flat.
So how did the king of the jungle turn into a nicotine junkie? Turns out it's nicotine patches! Let me explain. Since its introduction by Eli Cravenshtopper at the 1914 World's Fair in Albuquerque, New Mexico, the nicotine patch has loosed the monkey from many a smoker's back. But the patches have an unfortunate side-effect: they don't produce the funky aroma associated with fire that strikes fear into the hearts of all animals. And without this natural repellent, the patch-wearing tourist is just as vulnerable to lion attacks as a nonsmoker - a fact which has given rise to an entire race of nicotine-addled cats.

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