Just Like Missionaries

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Kids! Here's something you should know when you go trick-or-treating (or whatever you kids call it these days) tonight. If you knock on any doors and are greeted with full- (or even king-) sized candy bars, instead of the "fun-size" standard fare for Halloween, chances are, you're dealing with an atheist. Atheists are required by their faith to give generously on Halloween because it is their only way to atone for the sins of man.

Catholic children should also be aware that the Pope has forbidden you from accepting candy from atheists. The Church believes that doing so will leave you open to demonic possession. I certainly don't endorse this claim, but I'm not here to criticize anyone's whacky beliefs and, hey, it doesn't hurt to play it safe.

Finally a tip for children living in my neighborhood: I'll be turning trick-or-treaters dressed as vampires away empty-handed. It's nothing personal, but unpleasant memories of my recent dealings on Vampire Island are fresh in my mind, and I don't need you reopening the wound.

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Blogger Ryan said...

That doesn't make any sense. Atheism isn't an organized faith. its having no faith in anything. So giving out king-size candy bars has nothing to do with atonement because atheists don't need to atone for anything.

1:33 PM  

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